Making the Right Choices

This is going to be one of those boring introspective retrospective posts about how 2011 has been, so if you’re looking for photos of me in a bikini, sorry, no can do.

When 2011 just started, I thought that it would be an awesome year. After all, I got my driving license on 3rd Jan and a job as a freelance drama teacher the next day. How awesome is that?

Wrong. It’s now 26th December and I haven’t touched a car since the day of my driving test.

I gave up that teaching job in 4 months. The pay was crap, there was no benefits and I could see no future in there.

But then I wasn’t demoralized. Yet.

I got another sounds-awesome job. And it turned out to be a crappy job with a glorified title. The pay, again, was crap, zero future, and took a toll on my body and self-esteem.

I lasted 4 months.

Never mind, I thought. At least I still have love, don’t I?

Wrong.

Sometime in May, something horrific happened to me that I will not elaborate here. It might not sound as horrific to some people, but to me, it’s something that I will never forget and would still probably take a long time to forgive myself for. It’s the kind of thing that can make or break a relationship.

It broke mine. Well, not immediately, but it was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back and everything just snowballed. I don’t know why but the previous sentence sounds really dirty. Moving on.

At about the same time I quit crappy job #2, I quit crappy relationship. That was September.

Now, I was officially demoralized.

I thought I made all the wrong choices. I thought 2011 was the doomed year for me. Even according to superstition, Rabbit years are meant to be bad years for Rabbit people. But by that definition, then my brother’s fiancee should’ve had a crappy year but from what I see, it’s been pretty awesome for her.

Anyway I moped for a while. Then I decided that hey, I’m no longer working a crappy job and struggling in a crappy relationship! Life ought to be a party! Play! Play, you fool!

So I played. I played hard. Or at least, as hard as I could. And by that I meant I bought a subscription to World of Warcraft and I became pretty good at it. I also started writing again, drawing and painting, visiting parks and libraries. I did what I’ve forgotten to do.

I stopped making “right choices”.

Then out of the blue, I got a phone call. It was from a job I applied for many months ago when I was looking to quit crappy job #2. I had already given up hope on it. It was the start of the many tests and interviews to get the job, but after 1 month of said tests and interviews, I got the job.

It was great. Great salary, great fun, great work environment, fantastic perks and a definite career future.

So yeah. 2011 wasn’t great, but it wasn’t that terrible. I survived it and made it through with a good job and some life-changing experience. I grew up.

I still have my control issues, but I learned this year that sometimes, there are just some things you can’t control. You can’t control nature, and you can’t control when bad luck falls on you. Same thing goes for the good stuff. You can’t control how or when it comes to you. You can’t always try to “make the right choice” so that good things will happen, because sometimes, they’ll just happen anyway. Or not.

So the biggest lessons I learned this year?

1. Just go with the flow. It won’t kill you.

2. But don’t be stupid. If the flow brings you somewhere bad, get out of that river and hop into another one.

3. You can’t change a man.

4. Don’t change yourself either. Unless you want to change for yourself.

5. Some things sound better than they really are.

6. Not all bad experiences are wholly bad.

7. I am a good person.

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